I should have known that you
wished for good company.
I should’ve read between your usual
“It’s okay. I can manage,” lines.
I should have known that you
would have vivid thoughts
of what may happen
and how it would happen.
Alone, you got scared
Alone, you assured yourself
that everything you believed in
I should have known though
that you would want me
to reach out to you.
But you held back.
I held back.
Words may mean otherwise
but our eyes cannot lie.
To the Beautiful Stick,
Happy 17th birthday~
Thank you for growing into such a smart and independent social butterfly. Sana masugo na ka puhon (which is unlikely, di man ka mutuo nako ever since).
No matter how tall you’ll get, you will always be the little girl who used to follow mi sa fiesta then napaso sa colored lights sa fiesta stage. Follow your dreams (not a man) and don’t forget to pray.
Enjoy your day! (and this mushy message kay panagsa ra ko mushy).
It is a familiar activity. I grew up living in a compound whose swimming pool and beach are not only accessible (proximity wise) but is also free of charge. Our family would go to the beach every Sunday after lauds. My friends and I often spent our summer days at the pool. Eventually, swimming became my stress reliever. It also became my one and only favorite form of exercise. Doing laps gives me an exhilarating feeling. And, since most of my childhood memories were made either at swimming pools or beaches, swimming not only keeps me healthy but also reminds me of my colorful childhood.
2. LONG WARM HUGS FROM PEOPLE CLOSE TO MY HEART
Disclaimer: I am melancholic. I am not comfortable of doing the following things:
- saying “I love you”
- doing any kind of skinship
However, I do acknowledge the soothing effect of hugs. Hugs are like special forms of communication. I need not to utter anything, and my friends and family somehow understand what I feel at that particular moment. By letting them hug me (or by simply hugging them), I am comforted. It’s as if a heavy load is lifted from my heart. No words needed, they would understand.
3. HEARING MY FAVORITE SONG(S)
I would be smiling right then and there whenever I hear Officially Missing You (any version), I See the Light (Tangled OST) and With A Smile (Eraserheads).
Obviously, I am not a fan of pop songs, particularly American pop songs (I am an avid fan of Visayan pop and Korean pop songs though). Whenever I hear Eraserhead’s With a Smile, I feel comforted. It reminds me that everyone is fighting their own battles. I am not alone. Everything will get better ‘with a little prayer and a song.’ Tangled’s I See the Light ignites the romantic lover in me. If you have seen the animation movie (or just try to understand the song’s lyrics), you will understand what I mean. With the song, Officially Missing You, I like it just because… I like it. This song never fails to tickle my heart and imagination.
4. HEARING A BABY LAUGH
Babies are really irresistible. Their large curious and innocent eyes compels me to make embarrassing face in public just to hear them giggle. I wouldn’t even care if people would think that I am crazy.
Most babies love me. Maybe because I wear eyeglasses (thus making me look motherly?). Babies (and toddlers) would peek from their mothers’ shoulders (and would hide, then would peek again). Then, I would play with them by making faces. And they would give me their cuuuuute and adoooorable giggles. And I would smile back.
Try this guys. It’s a great stress reliever.
5. HAVING MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS
I really am no big fan of small talks. If I can, I would use another route whenever I see someone I know walking towards my direction before he/she notices my presence.
Don’t get me wrong. I do love having deep conversations. But I’m afraid that I’d just bore them out. I usually don’t like to talk about the latest trend or even about my life (unless we’re close). I usually like to talk about future plans, ideologies, light politics – smart talk as one of my friends say.
Only a few people initiate these kinds of conversations with me. But I really cherish these kinds of conversations – I get the chance to share and listen.
Traveling quenches my curiosity. Maybe because I started travelling (with my parents) even before I started walking. I also remember travelling with the whole family as a child. We would ride ships, buses, cabs and planes. We would also be carrying lots of luggages. And my favorite was the basket full of food.
My siblings an I would tour around the ship. We would stay longer on the roof deck to watch the waves splashing down below and the shore lights disappearing.
I see myself as a romantic. I love nature. For instance, the sound of rain drops falling on the rooftop calms me down. The cold laid back atmosphere that rainy days bring makes me relaxed.
8. CATCHING UP WITH A FRIEND WHOM I’VE NEVER SEEN FOR A LONG TIME
We recently moved to a new area after my father resigned from work. Almost everything is new – the neighbors, the rides, the place, and even the house. I can easily adapt to new environments but it really thrills me whenever I see someone familiar. Friends whom I haven’t seen from a long time remind me of my childhood and my birthplace. And I am more confident talking with them for hours. We could talk about the past, our plans, our latest activities in life and more. Oh how I wish I would meet and catch up with my friends soon.
9. OPENING A NEWLY BOUGHT BOOK (books from Booksale included)
I am a certified book lover. In fact, when I was just Grade 3, I would wait for our school library to open. I really want to log my name first in the borrower’s log.
New books signify new adventures and new friends. And of course, nothing beats the smell of new book pages and the thrilling curiosity a story’s plot gives.
10. WHEN A PERSON SMILES GENUINELY AT ME
Smiles are really contagious. One genuine smile from a complete stranger can uplift me.
I am fully aware of the other people’s first impression of me. They say I am strict, unapproachable and snobbish. I usually wear a poker face and would avoid eye contact.
Thus, when a person genuinely smiles at me, it means a lot to me. It means, for me, that the person wants to share his/her happiness to me.
I guess it runs in the blood.
Being silent. Secretive.
Enduring it alone.
Protests written in places where we think nobody can access.
But I knew you weren’t okay, too.
Heck, you’re in more pain than I am.
This is too much for your young mind.
because we think alike…
I’ll keep these thoughts to myself, too.
Until you ‘accidentally’ discover them someday.
PS Lil Sis, the way we think is similar. I just hope you voice them out instead of keeping them in. Keeping heavy things in is tiring. I know, because I do that. Don’t be like me. -Ate
This song and your voices is somehow helping me get through this tough part of my life. Thanks for saying, “It’s Okay.”
Are your shoulders heavy?
It’s not easy to put down heavy baggage
Someone said that when feel your dreams are getting far away
You should take a break
Are you struggling because of the same things every day?
Who is that for?
In the end, you’ll fall down anyway
When you’re struggling and feel alone
Listen to this song
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I have been waiting all summer for this year’s VISPOP!
If you are not familiar with VISPOP, it is an annual songwriting contest which encourages people from the Visayas to write songs in their mother tongue or dialect.
VISPOP’s debut last 2013 was a great hit – with its champion song Balay ni Mayang still played and loved by people.
For me, VISPOP’s second year was not that great. (Don’t hit me, that’s just my opinion >//<).The songs were so-so. Of the top 6 songs that VISPOP released on their second year, Kasikas was my favorite.
Now, after a year, VISPOP is back. And they came back gloriously. I love the songs! These songs were much better than the songs last year >//<
VISPOP, as always, released the top 6 songs which underwent strict scrutiny. This year’s set of songs are composed of four (4) love songs and two (2) “slice-of-life” songs.
Pangandoy, written by John Stephen Cadelina and Irving Ladanan Guazon and performed by Daryl Leong, is a courtship song.
Bok Love, written by Felipe Anjelo Calinawan and Therese Marie Villarante and performed by Therese Marie Villarante and Kurt Fick, is a cute song depicting lovers who grow fat together. Why? Because their dates mostly consist of eating. Hahahahaha. That is so true nowadays. But still, this song is cute. :’3
LQ (Sige La’g Away) [written by Adam Niel Corvera and performed by Eugene Corpin and Julyann Uy] and Buwag Balik [written and performed by Lourdes May Maglinte] depict the reality among lovers – they often quarrel to the point of breaking up but in the end, they make up because they realize that they love each other. Hayyy, the mysteries of love. I’m sure a lot of lovers can relate to this song.
The song Tug ta Tug, written by Earnest Hope Tinambacan and Jerry Angelo Catarata and performed by Earnest Hope Tinambacan, is a song which will make you groove with its beat. Na-LSS pa gani ko. Still, it illustrates a reality – when you’re so tired of waiting for someone, when you’re so angry, when you’re bored…just sleep those off. Well, this is just one of those stress-free and love-free songs.
Finally, Brgy. Blues, a song written by Andy Calope and performed by Earl Andrei Ornopia. I think it is a bit satirical (I don’t know). It tells of a man who tries to be good, whenever he drinks alcohol, well, he becomes “Dionysiac.” A fun song actually.
I really am glad that VISPOP is back. I like their advocacy (or am I making this up?) – encouraging the youth, especially the youth from the Visayas, not only to share their talents in singing and songwriting but also to use and love their mother tongue or dialect.
By the way, the final judgment for these songs will be on Friday, June 26, 2015 at SM Cebu Cinema One, 7PM. For more information, visit VISPOP 3.0’s facebook page.
Which song will be this year’s VISPOP champion? Waaaah. I really don’t know. I like all those songs.
Sige. Paminawon na pud nako’g balik ang mga kanta >//<
Darkness is surrounding me
Splash! Splash! Splash!
I want to reach the shore.
But the dark waves are so great.
They obscure my vision
Leaving me cold
Leaving me aimlessly floating.
My feet laboriously tread the water
My hands exhaustingly push the water down.
Anxious of my fate
I started to shout
and ask for help.
But great waves choked me up
Salty liquid filled up my mouth
Making my throat sore and dry.
Just as I felt my life floating away,
Just when my weary body surrendered,
A strong hand lifted me from the waves
“Just rest. Don’t worry. You are now safe.”
Lately, my father has been asking me questions which I dread the most.
His questions made me anxious. And filled with this anxiety, I ended up searching for things in the cupboard inside the stock room. There, I found my boxes full of memorabilia.
To escape from reality, I decided to dig in those boxes. Boy those boxes were heavy.
Inside these boxes were papers, pictures, key chains, and every other thing which holds a memory of my youth.
I read both journals. Most of the entries were rants, confessions, and narrations of what happened during those days.
As a grammar nazi (and as a Linguistics and Literature graduate), I was amazed. I didn’t I write so well before. In straight English. Hahaha. My entries nowadays, if I ever write, is a combination of English and Cebuano-Bisaya.
And as I read on, I thought, “Whatever happened to the happy-go-lucky and goal-oriented Dane in these journal entries?”
There were papers tucked at the cover of the journals. I was amazed (sorry for the lack of a better word) to see unfaded pictures of my classmates, Rachel and Quinn.
If I remember it well, these pictures were part of the classroom decorations. When we were in fourth year high school, our classroom decor included a corner which presents the class officers (both name and pictures).
Then I saw some colored papers. I thought these were empty. To my surprise, these were merit cards. Hahahahaha. I thought I threw them all away.
These merit cards are equivalent to the certificates our Dean gives to students on the dean’s list during an honor’s assembly. Mmm, these merit cards are far more numerous than the certificates I have from the Dean. Oh well.
As I continue to walk down the memory lane, I saw this exam permit.
Oooh yeah. I took a college entrance exam at MSU-IIT. (I passed, btw.)
I remember that I had a hard time choosing between Linguistics and Literature and Metallurgical Engineering. In the end, i trusted my strengths in grammar and the languages – I took the Linguistics and Literature program in the University of San Carlos.
Having just earned my bachelors degree in Linguistics and Literature last March 2015, and seeing this exam permit once again today had me asking myself – “How would my life be today if I took the Metallurgical Engineering program in MSU-IIT?”
I shrugged that question away. Taking up the Engineering program would be an arduous road. I am not good in math. And heck I am lazy when it comes to analyzing problems.
And how could I not forget telling you about these letters?
Woah, some of these letters were written in as early as 2003. Amazing!
I remember the time when the internet was not yet a fad. I think it was when I was in Grade 3 (2003?). My friends and I used to exchanged letters. I even remember using white bond papers with designs I drew myself as letter papers because I didn’t want to waste my precious stationeries. Hahahahaha…
I should have kept those letters. Ugh. But I was a sloppy keeper when I was a child. However, I shouldn’t be sad. I still kept a lot of letters – from my mom and dad, my sister, friends, acquaintances, and even teachers. Hahahaha.
Tears flowed and laughter echoed inside the room as I read those letters. Most letters were secrets, encouragements, and thank yous. But there were some letters, those from my regular senders (Rachel and Alvin), which are just simple conversations – of how are yous and what-happened-today narratives. It reminded me of my carefree days and of those days when I was still expected to make mistakes.
Nowadays, I feel really lost. I feel like a coward.
I already had plans after I graduated – to work, to get a masters degree, and so on. But after graduation, I bummed out. I literally was a couch potato.
Musing over the past reminded me of who I am. Or of who I was. Or whatever.
—– —– —- —– —– —- —– —– —- —– —– —- —– —– —- —– —– —-
Since I do not know how to end this post, I’m leaving you with a excerpt from one of the letters I received from my friends.
I just want to extend my gratitude to this friend. And, friend, I hope I get to know the real me, too. I’ve been hiding my real self too much that I have already forgotten the real me.
Our First Trip Abroad
I actually was planning to write a first-hand narrative of what happened. In fact, I already have four paragraphs. But the lazy bug bit me (eww, stupid cliche).
So, I will just post pictures and write cute captions or something. Teehee 🙂
Picture credits (because most pics aren’t mine) to Mary Joy Molina, Keeshia Joy San Juan, and Ezra Hilary Ceniza.
We then checked in at Chung King Mansions.
I did not expect our rooms to be small. Really small. It was different from the pictures on our online booking. It was like one third of a regular Philippine classroom. Well, because it was our first trip abroad, we decided to think positively.
We booked in a travel budget hotel after all. Besides, even though the room was small, it had all we need – neat beds, towels, aircon, a toilet with heater, and even a hair dryer.
After leaving our bags, we then expolred Hong Kong…particularly Tsim Sha Tsui –
The streets of Hong Kong
Oh, yes. We walked. We walked till our feet ached.
Once again – group selca while waiting for the bus. (We also rode the bus.)
We were amazed by a certain fountain in Hung Hom. It looked like a shallow swimming pool!
There, a series of group selca began.
Then we took random pictures while we were exploring Hong Kong’s streets.
We then attended mass at a building for sailors (I forgot the name). Most of the mass goers were Filipinos. Hahahaha. I just found that amazing.
After the mass, we stayed in the building for a while because it was raining hard. Of course we took selcas once again.
We also visited the Avenue of the Stars. Since most of the stars there were Chinese, we only looked for Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. Hahahahahaa. It was so cold. Fog was everywhere and the cold wind was blowing.
More pictures at the Avenue of the Stars…
Fa Yeun Street is a well-known shopping district in Hong Kong. Since we shopped and haggled and carried numerous shopping bags, less pictures were taken.
Joy just loves to take selcas ❤
Our shopping bags were getting heavier. We got tired of haggling down. We all felt that our feet would go numb in any minute. In fact, I felt two large needles were piercing my feet.
So, we decided to rest at a tea restaurant.
It was a new experience. We bought new kinds of teas. Those which we considered as exotic.
Next stop – Victoria Peak.
So we rode the MTR (their train)…
…and a bus.
I have to tell what happened during the bus ride.
The road going up the Peak was a great zigzag. It didn’t help that my travel buddies were mostly not used to that kinds of roads. Also, the driver of the bus drove like he was filming Fast and Furious.
Bragging aside, I’m used to zigzags and fast driving because I am from the province. So the drive up hill wasn’t a problem. In fact, I enjoyed the ride. It was great to see tall building nearly covered by the fog. it was also good to see greenery.
So I was shocked when I saw how pale Keeshia, Ezra, and Joy after the bus ride.
Although we didn’t ride on a tram to go up the Peak, we had a picture with it 🙂
There’s a nature trail at Victoria Peak. Of course, we went through it. It was great!
as you enter the trail, all you can see is fog. Fog everywhere.
But somewhere along the trail, the fog lessens. There’s less fog that sun light passes through.
I finished the trail first.
It was already dark when my travel buddies finished the trail. They told me that they waited for me.
I felt sorry. But that only lasted for a while.
Anyways… After that, we entered a mall at the peak.
Each of us posed with Bruce Lee, too.
And before we left the Peak, we took a final memorial picture in front of our favorite ice cream shop.
We heard a mass in Chinese at a Catholic Church, Holy Rosary Church at Chatham Road.
It was clean. Inside, there was a fusion of Chinese and Catholic traditions.
The altar was simple yet fascinating. And since it was Lunar New Year, a pink tree with flowers and orange plants similar to the airport decorations were placed on the side of the altar.
Hearing the mass in another language was amazing. And, I found it even more amazing when the Chinese attending the mass were so participative – they sang and responded with fervor and in loud voices.
The next pictures were taken at the Clock Tower near the harbor at Tsim Sha Tsui.
This was after our ferry ride from the main Hong Kong Island. Although we had less pictures on the ferry, we (particularly Joy and Keeshia) took lots of pictures.
The ferry docked at a pier near the Clock Tower. We were lucky. We saw the light show and even bought more chocolates at a lesser price. 🙂
Finally, we visited two universities in Hong Kong. Actually, we went to Hong Kong to look for universities which could offer great master’s degree training in Linguistics.
Sadly, we were not entertained by the department. But, as we saw it, everyone was busy. It seemed that they had a meeting. Or ….
But we sent them an email three months before our visit. They didn’t reply. I guess they don’t entertain guests on a holiday. It was Lunar New Year after all.
So, we just toured around and took pictures.
Unlike CityU, the Department of Linguistics welcomed us warmly. We didn’t even expect to meet half of the faculty. We had our talk inside a conference room. Four professors welcomed us – Professor Diana Archangeli (the Chair), Professor Cathyrn Donohue, Professor Kofi Yakpo, and Assistant Researcher Jon Yip.
My friends and I asked questions. The professors answered our questions enthusiastically. They were amazed with our great interest in linguistics.
It was a rich and wonderful experience to talk with well-published yet humble professors.
We actually toured their library too. Sadly it was strictly NO PICTURE TAKING ALLOWED. We barely managed to get inside because Professor Kofi was with us.
Gosh, their library is AMAZING! Unlike my university’s library, their shelves are actually full of books from the floor up to the cieling! And I’m not even exaggerating.
Professor Kofi toured us on the floor with the Linguistics books.
BREATH TAKING. I could literally do my thesis there since most of our proponents’ and related literature are on their bookshelves. T.T
There were several interesting books and journals in linguistics, too.
Hong Kong – was very memorable. It’s distinct smell, the Chung King Mansions, the shop owners with whom we haggled with, their large food servings, their double-deck buses, and finally the thick fog. These were truly unforgettable.
We only toured two Hong Kong Islands. But it was fun and fulfilling.
We’ll come back next time. Whether it’s for leisure or for educational purposes – we’ll never know.